My First Contest Entry

I wrote this in 45 minutes for a contest held by "Passwords," a literary magazine at Pomona College. The prompt was "happy ending." Ew.


Fairy FAIL


The princess finally reached the top of the tower
She’d been climbing the stairs for over an hour
A fantastic view was her handsome reward
But after a while she became bored
She turned to leave with a dramatic sigh
When she saw a spyglass out of the corner of her eye
Intrigued, she walked up to the viewing spot
But when she looked through the eye hole she couldn’t see squat
Then she found a coin slot that said “twenty five cents”
So she searched in her purse, she’d spare no expense
When she found no quarters she let out a shriek
This was the last straw, it was a terrible week
No sooner had her shriek faded into the breeze
Than a prince on a horse shot out of the trees
He rushed toward the tower, yelling “I’ll save you!”
The princess shook her head, he hadn’t a clue.
She tried gesturing wildly to get him to stop
But he just got there faster, then raced to the top
She tried all she could to push him away
But he intended to “save” her and marry her that day
There’s no happy ending, the future looked bleak
Just a horrible ending to a terrible week

Girls Without Visors

I wrote this for my softball team.

FYI: A safety catch is a type of catch executed by outfielders when a ground ball is hit and there is no particularly urgent need to throw it in. (It takes more time than a running catch aka a suicide catch)It involves getting down on one knee with the glove in the gap created between the foot that is out and the knee that's on the ground.


Safety Catch (To the tune of Safety Dance by Men Without Hats)

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y
Safe, catch!

[Spoken]
We can catch if we want to
We can’t let the ball behind
'Cause the fence don't catch and if it don't catch
Well it’s no friend of mine
I say, we can throw where we want to
A base in a chest high line
And we crow hop like we come from out of this world
Leave the ground so far behind
And we can catch

[Sung]
We can catch if we want to
We can’t let the ball behind
'Cause the fence don't catch and if it don't catch
Well it’s no friend of mine
I say, we can throw where we want to
A base where they will never find
And we crow hop like we come from out of this world
Leave the ground so far behind
And we can catch
Catch!

We can catch when we want to
If the ball goes to grass from dirt

And we’ll lay out real neat from our gloves to our cleats
then surprise 'em with the victory CHIRP!
Say, we can catch if want to
If we don't nobody will
And we can dive real smooth with total attitude
Get all our shirts smeared with chlorophyll

[Refrain]
I say, we can catch, we can catch
Everything’s under control
We can catch, we can catch
We're fielding it between foul poles
We can catch, we can catch
Everybody cheer in the stands
We can catch, we can catch

Nobody’s takin' a cha-a-a-ance

Safety catch
It is safe to catch
It is safe to catch

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y
Safe, catch!

We can catch if we want to
But we’ve got to call out “MINE!”
As long as we execute it, never gonna boot it
Everything'll work out right
I say, we can catch if we want to
We can’t let the ball behind
'Cause the fence don't catch and if it don't catch
Well it’s no friend of mine
[Refrain]

It is safe to catch, oh it is safe to catch[6x]
It is safe to catch

Sweaters On Teeth

This is what I think of when I hear people say "I've got sweaters on my teeth."